sonic and shadw in a closet
by shilz.e
Summary: sonic and shadow can not get along, even though sonic is gay, shadow keeps accusing him for looking at his girl.
1. Chapter 1: issue bin 1

Shadow: THIS IS A STICK UP!

Sonic: NOT SO FAST.

Shadow: PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP, YOU WHORE!

Sonic: PUT THE STICK DOWN.

Sonic: DO NOT USE NATURE FOR VIOLENCE.

Shadow: *Points gun*

Sonic: How did you get a gun?

Sonic: You said this was a stick up, hag!

Shadow: DO YOU THINK I CARE?

Shadow: EMPTY OUT THAT CASH REGISTER!

Sonic: I don't have a cash register.

Sonic: We're in a closet.

Sonic: Stop pointing that gun at me, there really isn't enough room in here.

Shadow: …I see…

Shadow: GIVE ME EVERYTHING IN YOUR POCKETS!

Sonic: You told me that we were going to stay here to see if your girlfriend was cheating on you….

Sonic: and now you're robbing me in this closet?

Sonic: Really great way to treat a friend, bro.

Shadow: Oh shit… I thought you were going out with my girlfriend..

Sonic: Nope.

Sonic: I'm gay, dude.

Sonic: You didn't know that?

Shadow: No..

Sonic: And while your girlfriend does bear some resemblance to a dude, it's not THAT great….

Shadow: Dude…

Shadow: Not cool.

Shadow: *Points gun again*

Sonic: DUDE!

Sonic: How many times have I told you that I don't like it when you shoot me?

Sonic: Every time we get in an argument you pull out that fucking gun…

Sonic: Jesus Christ…

Shadow: Relax, its empty.. I was just going to use it scare the guy that my girlfriend is cheating of me with… See…

Shadow: *Fires into the air*

Shadow: OH SHIT!

Sonic: GODDAMNIT.

Sonic: NOT. AGAIN.

Shadow: THERE IS FUCKING HOLE IN THE ROOF NOW!

Sonic: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO NOT DO THAT.

Sonic: THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK.

Shadow: I THOUGHT IT WAS EMPTY!

Sonic: Not cool, man. Not. Cool.

Sonic: WHY DID YOU EVEN BRING ME HERE?

Shadow: You see that baseball bat? We run into the bedroom, and kick that guys ass!

Shadow: That is, assuming my girlfriend is actually cheating on me..

Shadow: And don't hit my girlfriend.

Sonic: Why would I hit your girlfriend?

Sonic: And I feel really uncomfortable this close to you in a closet.

Shadow: You just told me she looks like a guy, make sure to hit the right person…

Sonic: Did you have fish for lunch?

Sonic: OKAY OKAY. I will.

Shadow: No…

Sonic: Really?

Sonic: Because it reeks of fish in here.

Shadow: …

Shadow: Thats strange…

Sonic: Did you fart, bro?

Sonic: NOT COOL.

Sonic: DO NOT HOTBOX ME IN YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S CLOSET.

Shadow: Hey! Whoever smelt it, dealt it!

Sonic: Yeah, right. You know I never fart.

Sonic: I have that….condition.

Shadow: …

Shadow: Yeah…

Shadow: Anyways, how long are we going to have to sit in here?

Sonic: YOU TELL ME.

Sonic: THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA, MAY I REMIND YOU.

Shadow: Well EXCUUUUSE ME!

Sonic: I never wanted to come!

Sonic: You told me there would be cake!

Sonic: I DON'T SEE THE CAKE.

Shadow: The cake is a lie.

Sonic: DAMN YOU.

Sonic: You know what? I'm leaving.

Shadow: You get Creme Brulee!

Sonic: We've been in this closet for three hours and you have a gun.

Sonic: WHAAAAT?

Shadow: Thats right

Shadow: You get Creme Brulee instead of cake..

Sonic: Hmmm…where is it?

Shadow: In the fridge, we'll get it after we're done kicking ass…

Sonic: I don't want to eat your nasty cheating girlfriend's creme brulee.

Sonic: It'll give me herpes!

Shadow: Dude… My girlfriend is awesome in the kitchen…

Sonic: But….but….how do I know where that creme brulee has been?

Shadow: Relax…. You'll be fine…

Shadow: Just wait

Shadow: Fuck, when are they coming home?

Sonic: I don't know!

Sonic: Maybe they stopped for a quickie in the car….

Sonic: …My leg is asleep.

Sonic: I think you're standing on my foot.

Sonic: Get off.

Shadow: Thats it, pass me that shotgun…. I'm gonna go Rambo on their asses!

Sonic: NO, damnit

Shadow: WHAT?

Sonic: If you do that, I'll get charged as an accomplice to the murder.

Sonic: Do you know what they do to guys like me in prison?

Shadow: …

Sonic: EXACTLY.

Shadow: Fine… I'll just wait…

Sonic: Can I go home, now?

Shadow: NO!

Sonic: Seriously….Top Chef is on in half an hour…

Shadow: …

Shadow: What time is it?

Sonic: 10 o'clock, dude.

Shadow: …

Shadow: She'll be here soon.

Shadow: I promise

Shadow: *Starts to whistle*

Sonic: Stop it.

Sonic: I hate that.

Shadow: …

Sonic: Dude, you're way too close.

Sonic: Just move…back…a little bit.

Sonic: OUCH.

Sonic: I HAVE MY NOSTRIL STUCK ON A HANGER

Shadow: SHIT!

Shadow: RELAX

Sonic: AND YOUR ELBOW IS IN MY STOMACH.

Sonic: MOVE, DAMN IT.

Shadow: ok

Shadow: *Moves to the opposite corner

Shadow: Better?

Sonic: No.

Sonic: You're still touching me with your….what is that thing that's poking me?

Shadow: Dude…

Shadow: I'm not touching you..

Sonic: THEN WHAT IS POKING ME?

Shadow: Are you sitting on my shotgun?

Sonic: ….Maybe.

Shadow: …

Sonic: Shut up.

Shadow: NOOOOOOO!

Sonic: Don't give me that look.

Sonic: NOO?

Sonic: Noo what?

Sonic: Are they finally back?

Shadow: ..

Shadow: Umm…

Shadow: I

Shadow: I hit my funny bone…

Sonic: Nice one.

Sonic: WAIT.

Sonic: I HEAR MOVEMENT.

Shadow: SHhh! whisper!

Shadow: Pass me the shotgun…

Sonic: NO.

Sonic: DON'T SHOOT ANYONE.

Sonic: I will take the shotgun, you take the baseball bat.

Shadow: I still have my pistol….

Sonic: DAMN IT.

Sonic: HOW MANY GUNS DO YOU HAVE?

Shadow: DOES IT FUCKING MATTER?

Sonic: YES IT DOES.

Shadow: Ok.. ok… Speak quietly, they might hear us..

Sonic: I WANT TO KNOW IF I'VE BEEN IN A CLOSET WITH A SERIAL KILLER FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS.

Sonic: I WILL NOT SPEAK QUIETLY.

Sonic: GIVE ME ALL YOUR DAMN GUNS.

Shadow: HERE IS MY FRIGGIN' PISTOL!

Sonic: THANK YOU.

Shadow: Now pass the baseball bat and get ready…

Sonic: Here.

Sonic: Take it.

Sonic: And don't kill anyone, please.

Shadow: Okk…

Shadow: On 3, open the door slowly…

Shadow: 1….

Shadow: 2…

Shadow: 3!

Sonic: AHAAAAHAHAAH!

Sonic: …..Oops.

Shadow: WHAT?

Sonic: Ummmm….

Sonic: We're in the wrong house.

Sonic: This isn't your girlfriend.

Shadow: -_-

Sonic: Hi, random half-naked woman I've never met….

Shadow: …

Shadow: YOU FUCKING IDIOT, THATS HER!

Sonic: Oh. Really?

Shadow: Yes!

Sonic: When did your girlfriend get attractive?

Shadow: …

Sonic: Maybe that was the last girlfriend….

Sonic: I dunno.

Sonic: I can never keep them straight.

Sonic: What's this one's name, again?

Shadow: Stacey…

Sonic: Does her mom have it goin on?

Shadow: CAN YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT FRIGGIN' SONG!

Sonic: But….I like that song….

Shadow: …

Sonic: C'mon..

Shadow: No… Your taste in music is crap…

Sonic: YOUR taste in music is crap.

Sonic: Don't tell me you weren't whistling Lady GaGa in that closet.

Shadow: I wasn't… I was whistling… Goodbye Horses.

Sonic: Pfft.

Sonic: SURE YOU WERE.

Shadow: …

Shadow: Yes

Shadow: I was.

Sonic: Whaaaatever.

Sonic: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt….

Shadow: … Funny joke…

Sonic: I know.

Sonic: You know…this seems kind of not like the time to be talking about this.

Sonic: You know, what with your girlfriend being in the room and all…

Shadow: …

Shadow: Lets go back in the closet?

Sonic: Hahahahhaha!

Sonic: You know, the closet door is made of all KINDS of wood….

Shadow: Now what is that supposed to mean?

Sonic: You said you wanted to go back into the closet!

Sonic: Isn't that, like…symbolic?

Shadow: NOOO!

Sonic: Oooooookay…

Shadow: I mean't the real closet. You said you didn't want to talk about this in front of my girlfriend.

Sonic: Well, she looks awfully confused, now doesn't she?

Shadow: DON'T LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND HALF NAKED, YOU PERV, I DON'T CARE IF YOUR GAY OR NOT!

Sonic: DUDE! I DON'T CARE/

Sonic: I HAVE BEEN SHOVED IN A CLOSET WITH YOU FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS.

Sonic: I WILL LOOK AT WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO LOOK AT.

Sonic: OH, AND SHE WASN'T CHEATING, ANYWAY.

Sonic: FANCY. THAT.

Shadow: CAN I SEE THAT GUN?

Sonic: NO.

Sonic: You're going to shoot me, aren't you?

Sonic: DAMN IT.

Shadow: THAN TURN THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!

Sonic: NOT AGAIN.

Sonic: WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Shadow: SHES MY GIRLFRIEND!

Sonic: SO?

Sonic: I DON'T LIKE GIRLS.

Sonic: THEY'RE…..FLOPPY.

Shadow: HOW DO I KNOW YOUR NOT MAKING THAT UP? JUST AN EXCUSE TO LOOK AT HALF NAKED GIRLS..

Sonic: I ca

Sonic: *can't believe you!

Sonic: I don't want to look at your girlfriend who is named after a Fountains of Wayne song.

Sonic: I'm leaving.

Sonic: AND I'M TAKING MY CAKE.

Sonic: Thank you for wasting my night.

Shadow: THERE IS NO FUCKING CAKE!

Sonic: FUCK YOU.

Shadow: Leave than, see if I care

Sonic: I WILL.

Shadow: I have my girlfriend half naked on a bed!

Sonic: I'm going home and I'm going to eat all the rest of the ice cream.

Sonic: HA.

Shadow: I'M GOING TO MAKE LOVE, HA!

Sonic: I COULD DO THAT, TOO.

Shadow: With your right hand…

Sonic: Actually, I'm left handed.

Sonic: HA.

Shadow: I really care!

Sonic: Yeah, you obviously do.

Sonic: DAMN IT.

Shadow: Damn what?

Sonic: DAMN ALL OF IT.

Sonic: I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND WATCH AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE.

Sonic: SO THERE.

Shadow: Fine, I'm going to make sweet love…

Sonic: Not so sweet.

Sonic: Your girlfriend looks pretty pissed that you were hiding in her closet….

Sonic: with me.

Shadow: HE FORCED ME TO DO IT!

Shadow: IT WAS HIS IDEA!

Sonic: HIS?

Sonic: WHO IS HE?

Shadow: He is you

Sonic: WHAAAAT?

Sonic: Who do you think your girlfriend is going to believe?

Sonic: YOU – the jealous boyfriend, or ME – the innocent bystander who doesn't smell like FISH.

Shadow: Me, the loyal, loving boyfriend…

Sonic: Pfffftt.

Sonic: The loyal, loving boyfriend who blew a hole in her rooof….

Shadow: …

Shadow: WELL….

Shadow: Atleast I have a partner!

Sonic: HA.

Sonic: How do you know I don't?

Sonic: Have you been hiding in MY closet, too?

Shadow: Perhaps? Maybe I have…

Sonic: YEAH. Well if you had you would know that I am very happily in fuck-buddy-dom with someone.

Sonic: SO HA.

Shadow: Well… Atleast…

Shadow: I'm not gay!

Shadow: HA!

Sonic: Pffft. Gay guys don't have periods.

Sonic: I don't have to take a week out of the month where I can't have sex.

Sonic: HA!

Shadow: ATLEAST WE CAN REPRODUCE!

Sonic: You can also have accidental pregnancies!

Sonic: I never have to pay for Plan B!

Shadow: So how will your ADOPTED kids react when they have two fathers?

Sonic: They'll be cool about it.

Sonic: Because they'll be openminded.

Sonic: UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE.

Shadow: OH YEAH, WELL…

Shadow: *Throws baseball bat at your knee*

Sonic: Goddamnit!

Shadow: HOW YOU LIKE THAT/

Sonic: Why am I even friends with you?

Shadow: I'd like to know too!

Sonic: Actually, that really doesn't make sense at all.

Sonic: And where did your girlfriend go?

Sonic: Is she…climbing out the window?

Shadow: What?

Shadow: Huh?

Shadow: WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Shadow: STOP IT, DON'T LEAVE ME NOW!

Sonic: HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Sonic: HA!

Sonic: I WIN.

Shadow: ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED?

Sonic: Pfft. Like you could kick my ass.

Shadow: YES, I COULD!

Sonic: Could not!

Sonic: I HAVE A GUN, MOFO.

Sonic: And I'm leaving.

Sonic: And I'm going to get some cake.

Shadow: Give me back my fucking gun!

Sonic: NO.

Shadow: *Pulls revolver out of back pocket*

Sonic: I'm leaving!

Sonic: DAMNIT.

Shadow: You're not leaving!

Sonic: How many guns to you keep?

Shadow: ENOUGH!

Sonic: FREAK.

Shadow: NOW GIVE ME THE GUNS BACK!

Sonic: NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Sonic: I'm going home.

Shadow: DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU!

Sonic: SHOOT ME.

Sonic: JUST DO IT

Sonic: YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS.

Shadow: *fires gun into the air*Just give me my guns back..

Sonic: NO. SHOOT ME.

Shadow: I'll tell you again…

Shadow: Give me the guns back…

Sonic: I think you're too much of a wittle pansy to actually shoot me

Shadow: 3 Seconds…

Shadow: 1….

Shadow: 2…

Sonic: I'm just whistling away.

Sonic: Stacy's Mom has got it goin ooooonnn….

Shadow: 3! *Fires gun into your foot*

Sonic: DAMN IT.

Shadow: AGAIN?

Sonic: FUCK YOU.

Shadow: GIVE ME THE GUNS BACK!

Sonic: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Sonic: I'm going to hobble to a hospital and then I'm going to get a handicapped parking pass.

Sonic: Because I've ALWAYS WANTED ONE.

Shadow: YOU'RE NOT LEAVING!

Sonic: Why are you making me stay here?

Sonic: Are you a rapist or something?

Shadow: Drop the freaking gun…

Sonic: Nope.

Sonic: Won't do it.

Shadow: FUCK!

Shadow: I WILL SHOOT YOU AGAIN!

Sonic: I'mma light up a cigarette and call the cops, okay?

Shadow: DROP THAT FUCKING PHONE!

Sonic: Nope.

Sonic: Dialing.

Sonic: ….Hello?

Shadow: *Fires gun into your foot*

Sonic: Yeah. I'd like an ambulance. Some asshole with a gun shot me in the foot.

Sonic: And it looks like he's threatening to do it again…

Sonic: Crazy mofo, I know right?

Sonic: Yeah….send that over pronto, okay?

Sonic: Thanks so much.

Sonic: :)

Shadow: You piece of shit…

Sonic: How am I a piece of shit?

Shadow: *Points gun at your forehead*

Sonic: Do you want a cigarette?

Sonic: We can have a heart to heart about your half-naked girlfriend that just crawled out of the window….

Shadow: *Ignores you*

Sonic: Why are you ignoring me?

Sonic: You're SUCH a kid….

Shadow: FOR GODS SAKES, BOBBY, DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU!

Sonic: MY NAME ISN'T BOBBY.

Sonic: Damn it!

Sonic: I was in a closet with you for three and a half hours and you don't remember my name?

Shadow: NO, IN FACT, I COMPLETELY FORGOT!

Sonic: YOU SHIT.

Shadow: What's my name?

Sonic: ….Nick?

Shadow: …

Sonic: ….Thadius?

Shadow: Shut up!

Sonic: Maybe we should just start over.

Sonic: I'll introduce myself, and you'll introduce yourself.

Sonic: Hello. I'm Sonic hedgehog. You may call me sonic.

Sonic: How are you, this fine evening?

Shadow: *Continues to point gun at your forehead*

Sonic: Sigh.

Sonic: Come on, introduce yourself.

Shadow: No.

Sonic: You're impossible.


	2. Chapter 2: issue bin 2

Sonic: I hate you!

Shadow: why do I care?

Sonic: because you were in a closet with me for 3 hours!

Shadow: but I wasn't coming out of it with you…

Sonic: you pointed a gun at me!

Shadow: how should I care?

Sonic: because I made your girlfriend run off…

Shadow: you bast-

Sonic: not so powerful without guns, are you?

Shadow: Not you would expe-

Shadow: why am I even TALKING to you?

Sonic: Cuz…?

Shadow: My face? 5 million people dislike yours…

Sonic: copying off a shirt, are we?

Shadow: just because I own a shirt does not mean I am copying off it…

Sonic: care to tell me how in the HELL you could think your girlfriend is cheating?

Shadow: shut up! A lot of girls would be LUCKY to have me.

Sonic: Because you are an emo person who cuts themself all the time?

Shadow: I tried it ONCE! You swore you would NEVER EVER speak of that again!

Sonic: it was broken after you broke our friendship!


End file.
